so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can you repeat that, but with context?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
