Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We're too hungover to prance.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
