that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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