Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My vagina is very pro this idea
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
