Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
