The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
