omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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