She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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