He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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