Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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