Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
