I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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