Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
