Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
