I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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