They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
