so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
