We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
