I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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