: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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