i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize