i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sobbing to NWA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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