shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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