I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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