i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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