I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
