Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
