I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
