we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
someone owes me an orgasm
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
