I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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