Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thus making me awesome and them whores
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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