I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
