is your mom at the bar?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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