On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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