i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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