and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
