I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
