she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
