DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My bed smells like the plague
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