i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
