who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
