TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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