if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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