I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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