You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
