my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
