you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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