I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
