Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
