my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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