I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
