i permit you to call me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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