we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
