Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
