i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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