can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
