Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
