Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ttyl tear gas
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
