I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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