After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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