it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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