I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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