Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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