This is not my ceiling
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
