he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
