i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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