What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
