Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
