so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
