There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
