$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
